His Pirate Queen
by Ivyskiss
Summary: Emma is afraid Killian will want adventure over a life with her.


Emma hated this feeling.

Is there even a word for this feeling?

Jealousy? Envy? Fear? Insecurity?

She didn't really know, all that she knew is that it sucked.

It was like a sick parting gift from the Darkness. One last middle finger to mess up her life even more.

The thing about the Darkness was that it was like all Emma's deepest fears and insecurities were dredged up.

Dredged up, dissected, ripped apart, analized, put on display and mocked.

When she was changed into the Dark One, she had been thrown into a swirling vortex of evil. Evil that seeped deeply into every corpuscle of her, every pore, every strand of hair.

The Darkness slipped into her heart and ripped apart every seam, Every little hurt that ever, ever came of her life, was thrown in her face and she was forced to relive it all.

It wasn't like watching them on TV, she could feel and smell and hear everything, like she was transported back in time.

Her earliest memories of her adoptive parents sending her away at three years old, Emma's hot tears streaming down her tiny cheeks as they left her behind, not even looking back.

Neal's betrayal, her heart shattering into a million pieces, as the cold steel cuffs slipped over her wrists.

Looking down at the plastic pregnancy test in her hand, the world crashing down around her.

Being cuffed to the hospital bed, the agony of her body and heart ,listening to her precious baby cry for her to hold him.

Lying in her small bed alone in Tallahassee, her heart breaking all over again, crying when she knew, knew Neal hadn't come to find her and that he never would.

Seeing Killian getting run through, the twisted version of her father sneering coldly behind him.

The look of horror and pain on Killian's face as the Darkness ensnared her…

The Darkness wearing Killian as a mask to hurt her again.

Her head pounded as she thought back, once again, to that awful conversation.

 _When you tethered me to excalibur, you opened my eyes. And_

 _I now see you for what you really are, an anchor._

 _And I see clearly now that you were nothing more than a pretty blonde distraction._

 _But guess what Swan? I'm a free man now, and you will never hold me back from getting what I want again._

 _You're so afraid of losing the people that you love that you push them away._

 _That's why you'll always be an orphan,_

An anchor.

300 years of living his life on his terms, on a beautiful pirate ship, the freedom to go anywhere at the drop of a hat. More than once she had seen him at night staring out of the telescope at the window.

It wasn't like she could be some pirate queen for him. She was just Emma. She was the sheriff of a small town who drank too much hot chocolate and hogged the covers.

Was she an anchor to him?

Something was bothering his Swan.

She had been distant, a day or two now. She seemed lost in thought, scared even. She hadn't been eating much, and hadn't been enjoying her junk food as she normally did. She was acting tired, staying in bed for longer than she normally did.

So Killian tried to give her a bit of space, if he crowded her, she might pull away. He couldn't have that. Couldn't stand the thought of losing her, even a little bit, because he was impatient.

He was sitting up in their bed, sheets pooled around his waist. His Kindle device on in his hands, but he couldn't focus on his book, he was too worried about Emma.

Was she regretting her decision to ask him to move in? Had he done something wrong?

He had been so, so happy these last few months.

Since the Evil Queen and Black Fairy had been disposed of, a wonderful calm had finally settled over the town. He had taken up as Harbormaster, an easy enough job that kept him occupied. He had been devouring books on Belle's recommendations and spent the evenings helping Henry with his math homework.

He had a life he never truly believed he could have.

He had never been so happy.

Had he been spending too much time with Robin? They had been going out together more often, a few times at the docks fishing, once in the woods, once getting a little too pissed at the Rabbit Hole. Emma had been angry with him, calling him out for "acting like a dumb frat boy," whatever the devil that was. His subsequent hangover and Emma's cold shoulder had been more than a lesson that his best drinking days were behind him.

The bed dipped as Emma curled up next to him. He set his book aside and lifted his arm inviting her into his chest to cuddle, and she accepted the comfort.

"Darling, is anything on your mind?"

Emma was quiet for a moment her fingers tracing the tattoo on his arm.

When she spoke her voice was soft and hesitant. "Do you ever miss it?"

"Miss what, love?"

"Sailing, adventures, being free."

Hook quirked a brow. "Free?"

Emma shrugged in his embrace.

Killian sat up and made eye contact.

"This is about the the things I said as the Dark One, isn't it?"

Emma's heart crawled into her throat and she averted her eyes.

"Swan?"

Emma could feel fresh tears prick at the back of her eyes. He always let her take the lead.

"Yeah, a little. It's just. There is some truth to it. I pushed you away for so long. If there is anyone who deserves a happy ending. It's you. I am just an orphan, I am just me."

She didn't have the strength to resist when his arms enveloped her.

"I'd much prefer it if you didn't talk about my true love in such a manner." Killian replied.

He held her there for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts, before he finally spoke.

"I believe this is a conversation we should have had much sooner." Killian whispered, resting his chin on her head.

""Emma, first and foremost, I am happier than I have been in all my long life. Never doubt that for a second. As someone who spent a good portion of his adolescence in forced servitude, I can assure you I am here on my own accord."

"I learned something from those shears you gave me. I realize now the position you were in in Camelot. I was slipping away from you, and you had to make a decision, and I learned why you saved me."

" If I lost you Swan, I couldn't go on." His voice caught in his throat and Emma sat up to rest her forehead on his.

"We both made mistakes, but I know I want to spend the remainder of my days making up for those mistakes, and I believe you feel the same."

"I treated you awfully then, Emma. I am so, so sorry that I made you think for a second that you aren't the best thing that has ever happened to me."

He tilted his head a bit, "DId I miss anything?"

Emma swallowed, her eyes went down to the tattoo on his wrist.

Killian understood immediately, "Oh, no. Milah was this whole different thing. She's a love that I had and I truly loved her. But now I have a whole different new love that is such a huge part of who I am - and maybe even more so because we're so kindred."

"I guess I am just afraid that I can't give you the exciting life you've been used to." Emma confessed shakily.

Hook chuffed a bit at that. "Love, the idea of piracy in this realm is even more romantic than the Enchanted Forest. There was a freedom that came with it. But It was a hard life, and very lonely at times. While I had a small and quite loyal crew most of my years, there were times when it was very hard to know who to trust."

"I lived on a ship full of murderers and thieves who stank of brine and dead fish who might stab me in the back at any given moment. Now I live in a house with big comfortable bed and a gorgeous woman who smells bloody wonderful."

Emma blushed a bit at that.

"I called you an anchor, and that was hurtful. But an anchor can also represent a person who has been someone's rock through difficult times." He reached up and brushed her cheeks with his thumb. "Those of us who have had a painful past, the anchor is a pledge to move on and have a better, grounded future."

Emma sniffed a little, " You always say the right thing to make me feel better.'"

He brought her hand to his lips. "Every day with you is an adventure, Emma Swan.

Every kiss, every caress is a journey."

He held her gaze "Whatever happens, I will never, ever leave you behind, my Pirate Queen."

"Good."

Note, The bit about Milah I actually snitched straight from an interview of Colin's. I changed it to first person. I have a great deal of respect for the actors on this show. I could listen to them talk about the characters all day long, truly. Also, I was really inspired by the montage they did on the show where the Darknesss replays all of their most painful memories. I tried to play that up.


End file.
